If You Could See Boundaries

Imagine walking down the street and as you get too close to someone a massive invisible wall stops you in your tracks. Or maybe a loud siren goes off when you say something that pushes someone past their comfort zone. Be handy wouldn't it.

The thing is boundaries are real they are just not always visible. Some people have clear fences solid and well maintained. Others have rickety gates that swing open too easily leaving them feeling walked all over. And some haven't even been taught they are allowed to have boundaries at all.

The Trouble with Invisible Lines

Since we cannot physically see someone's limits we often only notice them when we have already crossed them. That is when you get that awkward silence the sudden shift in energy or the one word replies that tell you you have gone too far. Sometimes it is more obvious. Someone pulls away snaps at you or just avoids you altogether.

On the flip side if your boundaries are not clear you might find yourself saying yes when you want to say no feeling exhausted from always putting others first or wondering why certain relationships leave you drained.

Setting Boundaries is not Selfish

For a lot of people especially those raised in environments where they had to keep the peace setting boundaries can feel selfish. But here is the thing. Having boundaries does not mean you do not care about others. It means you value yourself too.

A boundary is not a brick wall that keeps people out. It is a guide that helps people understand how to be in your life in a way that works for both of you. It is saying this is what is okay for me and this is what is not.

Respecting Boundaries

Respecting boundaries is not about guessing it is about listening asking and being aware of how people respond to you. If you sense that weird tension in a conversation it could be a sign you are toeing a line you cannot see. A good rule of thumb. If in doubt just ask.

• Is it okay if we talk about this
• Do you need a bit of space
• Would you rather I help or do you just need to vent

Simple questions like these can save a lot of grief.

Need Help with Boundaries

If you struggle with setting boundaries or even recognising them I can help. Whether it is in work relationships or just everyday interactions learning to set and respect boundaries can make a huge difference to your mental health and wellbeing.

Need help figuring it out Get in touch.

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